Dr. Spock didn't say anything about assholes

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Dr. Spock didn't say anything about assholes

I don’t understand how teenagers survive to adulthood. They are complete assholes way too much of the time. I have one that is having huge tantrums because he doesn’t have a license or a car so he has to rely on me to take him everywhere. The fact that it is completely his own fault that he has neither is incomprehensible. Apparently my job as a mom is not to enforce consequences for stupidty, but rather I should be granting his every dream. It can’t be just any car either. It has to be a newer truck in excellent condition preferably lifted a few inches but not so far that he can’t roll his dirt bike up the ramp. It also must be at least an extended cab because a single row of seating would be so unfair. I’m pretty sure I’m required to pay his insurance and an endless supply of gas too, because it wouldn’t do to have to ration himself a bit, like maybe not driving 15 miles out of his way to look at a rock his friend found 6 years ago that might of rolled away but you never know. The fact that the economy sucks and we’re rebuilding the savings we lived on during 8 months of unemployment is not to be a factor. We should take on debt to give a 17 year old asshole the perfect truck and we should be fucking glad to do it. And while we’re at it, we should take away all curfew rules and homework rules and no beer until you’re old enough rules. I bet that we should even give him the entire house while the rest of us go live in the dog kennel in the uninsulated barn. We should continue to work our asses off to provide him with all the necessary comforts even though we’ve lost all our fingers and toes from living in the uninsulated barn. Maybe we should even add in a monthly whore stipend.

While I was typing this, the above snotty little shit called from the student union to be picked up from school. I told him I would be there in 20 minutes. I got up there and he wasn't outside. I drove way around in a big loop and parked and went inside to look for him. No kid. The whole asshole thing means he also doesn't get to have a cell phone, because phones are a privilege for non-assholes in this family. I drove back and forth through the campus until I finally found him. He got in the car and slammed the door and had a tantrum that would put a 2 year old screaming in Walmart to shame. Instead of waiting for me, he walked down the hill and I drove past him and it's all my fault, because I put that fucking roundabout there causing me to be looking in a different direction that the side of the street he was standing on, because I have the deciding power on where the city puts roundabouts. If I'd have known that, I'd put them all over the place just to mess with people.